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do you first, always

Dreaming, goal setting and crafting experiences that feed the creative soul within you is one of the most important parts of a healthy and fulfilling life. These endeavors, centered in love and support of self, are not what I am referring to here.

Rather, I am talking about energies fueled by fear, that lead to anxious fixation on having or achieving something outside of yourself. The fundamental premise of which is the misunderstanding: “I will feel _______ (happier, at peace, more confident, more successful, etc.) when I _______ (have a significant other, get a degree, buy a car, lose weight, etc.).”

Searching for something outside of yourself to give you the experience of feeling whole, worthy, loved, accomplished and the like, will always leave you feeling disheartened and disconnected. Only the fear-based ego believes that it is not “enough” and since it can only know fear—its nature—it will never be satiated. All of the goal achieving in the world can’t soothe the ego.

Therefore, when anxiety is driving you towards some external “other” as a solution, that is your opportunity to look within. There is something you are not understanding or addressing within yourself that is leading to your disconnect from your authentic self, because if you are centered in your soul, all you can know is its nature—love.

Having angst for love from another—how are you doing with loving yourself? Hoping for recognition from your boss/partner/parent—when did you last recognize and celebrate yourself? Jealous of somebody or something else—what do you believe you need to compensate for by being more like them? In other words, rather than look to the world for relief for your anxiety, first address and acknowledge yourself.

After you have filled yourself up, then please proceed to want, dream and adventure every which way you choose.


Dearest You,

Helpful hint: Anxious preoccupation with “other”—other people, things, achievements, etc.—is often an avoidance of your relationship with yourself. Lovingly turn inward more for true relief and peace.



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